On April 1st 2019, JP Morgan Chase Chairman and CEO Jamie Dimon has announced the end of the JPM Coin project. The vocal Bitcoin critic, whose bearish statements are still considered to be responsible for the BTC price drop from September 2017, is nevertheless positive that another cryptocurrency will take over the world of finance by becoming the new standard.
In an official statement that he made exclusively for Crypto Insider, Mr. Dimon said “I genuinely thought that a cryptocurrency of the bankers and by the bankers was the solution that we needed to increase our institutional efficiency. However, as soon as I saw a couple of tweets from XRP Trump and Tiffany Hayden, I instantly FOMO’d and thought to myself ‘What is XRP is actually the standard?’. I mean, if Bill Clinton agreed to hold a speech at their Swell Conference, then they must be up to something, right?”.
When asked about his favorite feature of XRP, the JP Morgan Chase executive replied “It’s the supply management. The fact that 60% of the coins are being held by the Ripple company and the unquestionable utility of the XRP token within the greater Ripple ecosystem have convinced me that this is the right choice for us as a financial institution.”
Truth to be told, the idea of being exempt from market volatility is just not as fun as exposing yourself to the greed of big bagholers. If JP Morgan Chase acquires the remaining 60% of the XRP coins, they make a wise investment which costs them 18.4 billion dollars. Conversely, printing a new coin would bring lots of operational and advertising costs. Why create something that suits your needs when you can have a coin that you can’t control and puts you at financial risk?
Reactions from the XRP community
The news has been received with unparalleled enthusiasm by the XRP Twitter community, as lots of them posted the exact same message “We can’t wait for $3 so we can dump our bags on the bankers”. The only two individuals who stood out by tweeting something different were Tiffany Hayden and XRP Trump.
In contrast to Ms. Hayden’s positive and enthusiastic message, XRP Trump was more philosophical and incisive. He basically inquired “Why care about so-called stablecoins when you can make mad gains from highly volatile assets like Ripple’s XRP?”.
Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse and cryptographer David Schwartz have also announced that their collaboration with JP Morgan Chase means that the 2019 Swell conference would feature Barack Obama, Thomas Piketty, Bill and Hilary Clinton, Nouriel Roubini, Joseph Stiglitz, and every other left-wing politician or Keynesian economist who ever expressed criticism on Bitcoin.
Furthermore, the entire community has agreed that the joint effort with JP Morgan Chase would make the $589 price prediction irrefutably accurate in the coming inflationary years.
At press time, it seems like the JPM Coin project has been completely abandoned, as development efforts are being directed towards XRP in order to implement Plasma, Sharding, Raiden, and Schnorr Signatures.
Disclaimer: Happy April Fools’ Day! This article is a satire and should be treated as such.
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